23/ 8/ 2017
Deep calls to deep is the invitation to go into the labrynth of eternal Light where He dwells in the beauty of His Holiness. Not to be entered into lightly or with the intention of attaining to any form of spiritual power or knowlege for the sake of itself.
At the risk of repeating myself as is often the case with those who desire to convey truth, I make no apology for doing so. Some of this writing will be in the form of a testimony to the means and ways He has revealed Himself to me in my journey from the outer court of hard work and much misunderstanding to the secret place of divine rest in His Presence. He is the Holy of Holies . I am constantly reminded by His Spirit, the words spoken by Moses, "unless Your Presence goes with me, I don't want to leave this place". The petition granted for a moment in time and not without A COST. Please be careful what you ask for ! You will need to be prepared for much heartache and the cost will mean death to all your gain and the loss of your self life. He who loses his life will find it. All preconceived, conceived and deceived ideas of how you will attain to the higher spiritual life will go by way of the Golgotha road to Calvary. It is important to understand, there is nothing for you to do. The work is His and He knows the way you will take and when He has tried you He will bring you forth as gold. Job 23:10
With a finite mind which in itself cannot be trusted and at times a heart that would know all things, still eating from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, I give assent to His reminder, " My ways are not your ways and My thoughts are not your thoughts". So many times we attempt to make God into our image instead of allowing Him to make us into His image. A testimony to the struggle within to attain to the fullness of Christ in the inward parts and not aware I am doing so until I relinquish all self effort, admitting my utter helplessness to change myself.
If you are one who identifies with this truth, come with me and we will join hearts in one accord as He leads the way. I cannot promise you will be set free from all hindrances and that your earthly life will be succesfull, contrary to what you have been led to believe but this I do know, He will never leave or forsake you. Your life in Him will become richer and you will find treasures and peace beyond all the world would offer.
24/ 08/ 2017
I hope you will bear with me as I struggle to convey with mere human words the most profound experience that can take hold of a mere mortal. The transformation of a human soul does not begin at the time the encounter took place, but before the birth of the chosen one in time before time. We are led to believe He transcends time, no beginning, no end, all is now.
Bear with me please at the lapse of time. What you will read from now was written in the past, but now is the time to bring forth.
How does one begin to write about words? One needs words to write about them. All my life I have been interested in words. Now I was not aware of this deep interest in words until well into my fifties, when I began to use the gift of words I had been given. Of course I had always loved to read. I can still remember hiding books under my pillow, afraid my mother would tell me to turn the light off or she would make statements such as, “your eyes will fall out if you don’t put that book away”. I have continued unabated and still have my eyes.
When I was sixty years old I wrote a book, had it published, to me a beautiful little book. After reading, some said they were left with the taste of honey in their mouths. Others said too descriptive and deep. Perhaps they aren’t fond of honey. Perhaps the words used needed to be digested and of course it is important to sit still till your food goes down as my mother used to say. I am not saying this book is for everyone and perhaps it is for very few. We all know there are many books on the market today and another one, especially one full of the love the Lord has for this lost, wounded soul would not be of great interest to the majority of people. Those that have read have been very gracious with their comments. I might add, I still have not attained the wholeness I seek. In His eyes I have, but still I groan within. What is this groaning, this longing for complete and utter surrender to the One who entered my heart quietly and without a great fanfare. Perhaps the wholeness I saw back then was just the beginning.
Even as I ramble on here at the keyboard waiting for the well from where all my words are kept, to burst forth from the fountain deep within my innermost being, I sense I am not alone. The One Who was responsible for the very first words that produced the world out of nothing, and as He spoke, ALL THINGS THAT WERE NOT, BECAME, still sits on His throne.
I wonder what He thinks of my little book. I believe it came by divine inspiration so therefore I cannot take credit for any of the contents. It is a tribute to the power of His love. So difficult to bring forth, the words of this Life within me. Only those who desire to drink of the Well Himself would understand. There is no doubt He breathed on every page.
Every time He speaks He breathes and as we know, He still speaks.
HE UPHOLDS ALL THINGS BY THE WORD OF HIS POWER.
It is many months since I started this treatise and again I am back to write some more. It has occurred to me that when I wrote my little book, I was just beginning my journey to wholeness, for it is now the third of October, two thousand and eleven and my little book was started in the month of March, two thousand and four. In that intervening time, He chose to break down all my walls of self defense until I had no comfort, no protection, no help from any source. I know His ways ( of course only a measure of knowing I might add). I recall His very first words to me through the mouth of a little old lady who had the wealth of His word deep in her heart, the year being 1993. This dear sweet old lady had never set eyes on me before and she spoke words at that time that would be prove to be the basis for the life I would be called to live until the end of my days. His message to me was “ I KNOW THE WAY THAT YOU WILL TAKE AND WHEN I HAVE TRIED YOU I WILL BRING YOU FORTH AS GOLD” Job 22: 10.
So many do not know this path of walking in the wilderness and desert place. In my journey, a well, a deep spring of refreshing would appear from time to time and my thirsty soul would drink as I sat beneath the shade of the palm tree put there especially for me. Ex. 15: 27
I had no idea He had already mapped out a plan that would ensure I would have no choice but to seek all I need from the One and Only, the Source of all things, the Creator, great I AM. Little did I know how many times I would test Him with my disobedience, not able to hear His voice in the clamor of the outside world.
The voice of His Spirit, the Sweet Whisperer of heaven could not get through my self will in its endeavor to save itself with those things offered by the deceiver, the father of lies.
Where and how does the transformation of a soul begin?
You see the little book was a prophetic word to me of what He was going to do during this time of great trial and the trial to come. It was never meant for too many eyes.
As I write again after a long time, today being the 12th September 2014, I am finding that the trial and testing never really abates and I have fallen short of the expectations I had concerning the dying to myself process. It is painfully obvious to me and I’m sure to those who know me, I have worked very hard to BECOME. Well, what did I want to BECOME. One who had at last arrived now could rest? I answer my own question. Paul said he was given a thorn in the flesh lest he should boast in anything save the power of the Cross. I have need at this time in my journey to continually lay at the foot of this blood covered tree of Life, to constantly relinquish my efforts to BECOME. He and only He by His Spirit can change me into the Image of Himself.
I AM A SINNER WHO IS CONSTANTLY BEING SAVED TO THE UTMOST BY GRACE. GRACE AND ONLY GRACE CAN FREE ME FROM MYSELF AND MY WORKS.
This essay or confession, whatever it is called doesn’t matter. It began with words. Any words to convey the wonder of the Cross. The song says
“WHEN I SURVEY THE WOUNDROUS CROSS ON WHICH THE PRINCE OF GLORY DIED. MY RICHEST GAIN I COUNT BUT LOSS AND POUR CONTEMPT ON ALL MY PRIDE. O THE WONDERFUL CROSS”
“I NEED THEE, OH I NEED THEE, EVERY HOUR I NEED THEE,
OH BLESS ME NOW MY SAVIOUR I COME TO THEE”
How rich are these words to souls who battle with a sense of sin and shame. How sweet and restful to come to the very place and know, He came to set this captive free.
In such a time of anguish and despair, my hope was very fragile, His Spirit inspired me as these words poured forth from my wounded soul.
THE CROSS OF HOPE
THE MIGHTY CROSS STOOD UPON A HILL,
ITS VOICE REACHED UP TO THE SKY.
BENEATH IN THE VALLEY OF THE SHADOW OF DEATH
I KNELT, WITH NO MORE TEARS TO CRY.
I LOOKED UP AT THE ONE THEY’D HUNG THERE
AS HIS TEARS RAINED ON MY FACE.
THE VOICE OF THE CROSS SOOTHED MY HEART,
MY WOUNDS WERE HEALED WITH GRACE.
HE GAVE HIS LIFE THAT I MIGHT LIVE
AND I WAIT FOR HEAVENS’ REIGN.
TO WALK THE GOLDEN STREETS OF GLORY,
ON MY ROBE NO EARTHLY STAIN.
BENEATH THAT CROSS WHERE HE CRIED OUT
HE BIDS ME THERE TO LAY.
IT POINTS ME TO ETERNITY
WHEN I FEEL I’VE LOST MY WAY.
OH BLESSED CROSS, YOUR VOICE OF LOVE
SOOTHES MY SOUL, MY LIFE IS BLEST.
NO MORE MY HEART TO WANDER,
HIS HEART MY PLACE OF REST.
Over my many years I have felt that my way of looking at things to be somewhat dreary and I may have a morbid and very introspective personality. As we know the new age teaching is we must always be positive. In my endeavors to change myself through positive affirmation, and in the battle I became weary and sought the Lord as to a solution. His answer to me both comforted and blessed my soul. I belong to Him and it was His responsibility to take care of the state of my heart and soul. He went on to make it very clear that He was very happy with who I was as that was how He made me. We have a very close relationship and He used me as I was for His purposes, many I would not understand, but it was not up to me to ask why.
27/ 8/ 2017
There are no words that can describe to those who have not been called to this life of complete suurender to the One who cannot be seen with earthly eyes. The longing to know Him and to be known by Him, almost a constant groan within. At that moment in time when you and I consented to His request for oneness we thought the decision to do so was ours. The words were uttered if not out loud then hidden deep in our hearts a consent to be made into His image was agreed upon and the transformation begins. We didn't know, we never considered, we were not aware, He had been pursuing us long before we were woken from our soulish slumber. We were called as we lay in our mother's life giving fluid, as we were being formed until we came forth and took our first breath. We couldn't see Him standing by, rejoicing as He lifted us up to the host of heaven, to the those who had gone before as He declared" This one will be Mine".
The things of God are foolishness to those who walk in the worlds ways. Being set apart for Him is His desire for oneness with humanity. The call is His, the way is His, the journey through the rough terrain of the souls need to hold onto what it thinks it knows as truth is His business. We are only to lay in the hands of the Master Potter as He forms us in the crucible of fire. He is the Blacksmith who blows on the coals in this fire as He brings forth an instrument for His work.
31/ 8/ 2017
Looking back over what has been written so far, I am reminded that Moses cry to God was for himself and on behalf of those he had left behind at the start of his ascent to meet with God on the mountain of transfiguration. We all start at our walk to the summit blind, needing to be led, not knowing where or how, vaguely aware that an exchange has taken place. There has been a secret covenant between ourselves and the God we have yet to meet.
6 /09 /2017
And still the yearning for the Source of all things, driven into the wilderness for the sifting of the soul. Egypt holds no comfort, the taste of the world leaving a bitterness in the stomach. "Nothing in my hands I bring, simply to the cross I cling", the words to the beautiful old hymn. A preaching on the cross very rarely heard today. The false promises of the abundant life, as the world descends into chaos, the earth groaning under the weight of the sin, the birth pangs have truly begun, the true sons of God to be bought forth out of the fire of suffering and persecution. He indicated to me recently IT IS NEARLY TIME. I wondered was that for me personally, for the world to come under judgment or should I anticipate His return as He removes His merciful Spirit and allows the full force of His Divine Courtroom to adjourn as they deliberate and watch the prophetic clock tick.
You may wonder what has this to do with the longing. I cannot long for Him unless He draws me. It never was about me and my ability to remain in His presence. He sets us up to need Him and when we are unable to sense Him, imagine He has left. He retreats behind the lattice watching as we endeavour to satisfy the imagined absence with the comforts of Egypt, until we understand the meats of Egypt will not satisfy the yearning. Song of Sol. 2:9
In fact by our very attempt at dismissing our need of Him we taint our souls with so called instant gratification which is always shortlived and will cause us to become malnourished spiritually. In His grace and mercy He will wait until we realize our folly and run to Him, hearing once again His words of life. " Man does not live by bread alone but by every word that proceeds from My mouth."
My soul longs for you in a dry and thirsty land. My soul waits for the Lord more than the watchmen wait for the morning. How long Lord till I am changed into Your likeness?
He calls to my heart today as He did to the woman at the well. She too had been set up by divine appointment to meet with Him, the Source of Living Water. He invited her to leave behind the many lovers she had for so long pursued in the hope they would fill the void, the barreness, the dryness in her soul. Perhaps I too am as that woman as I go about my life oblivious to the dictates of the call of Egypt to satisfy my egos need to be comforted by all that beckons with tempting lies and persuasions. Many voices of deceit still speak with flattery and promises and only when denied will they be quiet.
Oh, His call is sweeter, softer, so tender, hardly perceptible. "There You are, my heart responds with a sigh." He answers lovingly, " I have been waiting for you also, I too longed for sweet communion. I called, but you could not hear, so I waited as I will always wait for You to turn back to Me."
Once again His Spirit reminds me, it never was and never will be by my power or my strength, that I am able to sustain such a relationship. A blood bought woman does not own her life once she becomes a prisoner of love. The pursuit of the Heavenly Lover, the whisper to come, not heard by the natural ear, resides deep within the hearts chamber. Nothing can separate one who is locked into the secret place. He watches over such a one called to abide.
29th/ 12 /2017
If I could call this entry by a name or title it would be NAKED FAITH. For a time He has held me by the this very thing. How do I define these words? I am naked before His gaze, He sees all my internal workings and has removed from me all I have pursued that would keep Him closer. I can do nothing as my yielding to an even deeper divine work cannot come from myself as He must work in me to will to do His pleasure. My intense longing for His fellowship seems to have abated somewhat and yet I am constantly aware of His eyes watching me as He waits for my turning to Him. It is I who have hidden myself from His gaze. For the eyes of the Lord run to and fro throughout the whole earth to show Himself strong on behalf of those whose heart is loyal to Him,( 2 Chron.16:9), whose hearts are directed towards Him. My faith is unclothed, no trappings or pursuit of spiritual connection at all. I know He is faithful to watch over those things that concern me. No desire to be with those who share my journey, I am in a dry place. The desire for the word has subsided somewhat. I find no concern in that as I know the word is planted in my heart and nothing can uproot it. Am sure I would have little trouble finding scriptures to describe this current experience. Perhaps Elijah in his cave or Ezekiel and the dry bones. A quiet waiting without striving. Faith is the substance of things hoped for, unseen things. I find I do not hope for anything at this time even so, intensely aware of the unseen realm. There is no need to search for that which is already mine. How can I ask Him to come when He is already abiding in me? As I write, He is the inspiration to bring forth those seed words locked within the soil of my heart, coming forth to find their resurrection life. No longer in the dark but bathing in the light of His glory.